Sorry to be spamming everyone's friends lists, or at least posting way more than usual.



Ryan Ross and cocaine.


Let me just start out with a little theory I have about myself: I don't know if anyone else believes in past lives, but I do, and the best that I can figure, I must have been hurt very very badly by someone who did cocaine.

I have this absurdly strong aversion to drugs, even to just "plain old pot". Doing anything to get high or wasted turns my stomach, but nothing, NOTHING is worse to me than cocaine.

So I sobbed. I wanted to throw up, but since I don't, I just cried and felt ill, because Ryan Ross, a stupid boy who has known the pain caused by addiction, does cocaine. The party drug. The "it's okay, I only do it sometimes" drug. Maybe there's no definite proof, because as my bffl said, "it wasn't a picture of him with the straw up his nose," but he didn't deny it. In fact, he's trying to pretend his funny.

Yeah, it's hilarious, Ross. You know what'll be REALLY hilarious? When you're sitting in a pile of your own puke because you drank too much and did too much coke. That will be great. And even better, when the pictures come out and all your fans get to see you at your best.


Drugs make me sick.

People that do drugs make me even sicker.

Done. Fucking done.

I am seriously fucking done pretending that everything is all right when it's not.

I'm fucking done faking nice and vomiting up white lies so no ones feelings get hurt.

LIFE HURTS SO FUCKING GET USED TO IT.


If that makes me a bitch, then fine, better than being a meek little pussy who doesn't fucking speak up.



There has just been this fucking snowball building up for months and months now and I think it's finally gotten me to the breaking point.

When I say I just don't care, that's not fucking true. The truth is I care too fucking much so that it's bothering me in my already stressful life, and quite frankly I just don't NEED anymore SHIT.


I'm I pushing people away? Probably. Does that suck? Yes, but if I don't really want to hang out with them anyway, does it matter? The only fucking people I really honestly care about in this world, friends-wise, either work full time like me so we never see each other, or live thousands of miles away.





And now I'm going to try to go to work, where I have a coworker and a boss that I might flip out on, and I'm not even joking. I might come home tonight either fired or having quit.

Someone IM me. I feel like talking about useless random shit.


FixatedOnSunsets, yo.


EDIT: Going to bed, but the offer still stands for tomorrow night

One of my favorite bands in the world just ended and ruined my celebratory Patrick-is-a-hottie post.



I am so sad.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLEEEEEEEEIEIEO







Also tomorrow is my character Monty's 20th birthday :'). Love the little fatass that he is.


(Yes, he's played by Patrick Stump, IT GAVE ME A REASON TO HOARD PICTURES, OKAY?!)

THIS JOB IS MAKING ME A PSYCHOPATH.

I'M READY TO SNAP.

AND YES, I'V ALREADY TAKEN A XANAX AND ITS NOT HELPING. IF THEY DIDN'T MAKE ME TIRED, I'D TAKE ANOTHER.

FUCK THIS PLACE IN THE ASS WITH A RUSTY KNIFE!

It's raining. It's almost the perfect rain storm; the rain is heavy enough, and at the right speed, but there's a little too much wind for me to call it the perfect rain storm. I love rain like this though (when I don't have to go out in it). However, I'm in such a weird mood, I don't think I can enjoy it.

I need to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm tired of the depression, the constant fatigue and lethargy, the never feeling well. Feeling "good" for me is really still feeling crappy but okay enough to function. That's no good.

I don't know if I should go back to the doctor I switched to. I'm not sure. He's better than my old doctor but I don't know if he's what I need.




Anyway, in about a month I think I'll start looking for a new job. Also in a month I'll be getting my lip pierced.



My little brother graduated from middle school. I'm very proud of him.



I got very upset the other day because I found out my elementary school crush was engaged. I've never wanted anything but happiness for him, but my mom always told me I'd marry him, and part of me believed it, I think. So I spent the day upset and then cried myself to sleep. I'm over it now, though. I mean, what am I supposed to do? I haven't actually spoken to him in years. We were never friends. So what use is there in having any emotion about it whatsoever?

And anyway, I have such issues with being with someone right now, I can't be concerned about something like that.

I'm pretty tired of that, too, by the way. I always thought that I'd either be with the man who'd become my husband by now, or I'd be close. And really, I'm neither.

Then again, my life isn't what I'd expected it to be anyway.

Oh my god I cannot stop laughing: